So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
