You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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