her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
