look no pants
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
