Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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