If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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