I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
