i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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