I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
