I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
