I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
