your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
