So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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