I wannas sexs uuuuu
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
