Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
