It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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