It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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