capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
even my farts smell like vagina
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
