I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
