You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
