your parents love me but you hate me
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
