I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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