Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
