evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
