My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
