my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
