my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
