I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
it's like iHOP with fire
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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