no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
