Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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