i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
me + whiskey = a bad person
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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