what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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