Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
