So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she was so not down for the gang bang
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
