thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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