Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
