from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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