Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
When are your genitals available?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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