i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
