Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Randomize
