the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Semen is not good for contacts.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
