JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
