She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
