I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
