dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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