To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
