your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
