Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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