To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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