Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Send help, water and tortillas.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize