He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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