just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
