the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
