So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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