I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
