After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
