I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Semen is not good for contacts.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
