At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
