I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
