i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
