Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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