You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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