Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
