I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
