You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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