I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
