I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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