At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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