Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
