i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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