I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
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btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
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It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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