Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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