So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I want to have your abortion
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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