Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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