Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
