I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
