the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
