I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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