Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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