My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just had sex bonerless
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
