i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
a search helicopter?!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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