The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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