His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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