Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
