I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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