The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
